Belated June Gloom

When I first moved to Southern California, I learned of "June Gloom," which is pretty much cool, foggy mornings occurring nearly every day during the month of June (of course). Oddly, I've always kind of liked the June Gloom. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it is because of my own personal gloom that occurs during the same time period. Perhaps I find something sympathetic or soul-soothing in the gloomy weather. Maybe the weather gives me an excuse to pout about memories of less savory times in my life - many of which took place in June.

Here's the thing. June 2nd marks the anniversary of my sister's death (my sister who also happened to be my best friend, confidant, comic relief and more) and June 28th is the anniversary of my mom's (who could always make things better) death. Both of these women played daily, pivotal roles in my life and helped to shape any good that is in me. I'm quite certain that I have never missed anyone more than I miss them now. Even without a calendar, I believe that I could tell you when the month of June rolls around because of the almost instinctual loneliness and longing that permeates my heart and mind.

Now that I have the Peanut, my personal June gloom has become even more pronounced. Each time he does something funny or reaches a new milestone, I wish they could see it. Every time he makes me laugh, I want them to see and hear his giggles. While I understand that they are probably more involved than I can even imagine, I also know that it is not the same as having them here.

This year, in an effort to combat my internal June gloom, I made a mental list of things from my life under the big top that I wish I could share with my mom and sister. Please know that by writing this post, I am in no way discrediting the rest of my amazingly supportive brothers and sisters. As the youngest in my family, I have always been a little spoiled by my siblings. I have also always known that I can count on them for anything and that they will always have my back. I love and appreciate them and love that the Peanut has such fabulous aunts, uncles and cousins. I am sure that they feel the absence of my sister and mom as much as I do and have their own lists of things that they would share if they could.

Here are just a few of the items on my Mental June Gloom List:

The Peanut's Brow: I love that he has the same eyebrows that my mom had in her youth (and before she shaved them in a reckless show of fad-following) - and he knows how to use them to his advantage. Whether he is playing, flirting, focusing or furrowing, the eyebrows are fully employed. Pictures do not do the eyebrows justice, but trust me, the kid can furrow.





His Budding Green Thumb: Both my mom and sister had amazing green thumbs. Me, not so much. The Peanut's thumb is looking promisingly (is that a word?) green.




The Peanut's Computer Prowess: I'm pretty sure that if he had more words than "diaper," "doggy,"
"momma" and "daddy," he'd be on Facebook by now.

His Love of Books: I couldn't find any pictures of him reading, but trust me, the Peanut loves his stories! His current favorites include, "The Eye Book," "Harry the Dirty Dog," "Goodnight Moon" and "On the Farm." I think his Aunt would be very proud!

I could go on forever about things that I wish my mom and sister could see, hear and experience in person with the Peanut, but I think I have written enough for now. June Gloom has passed and now it is time to put my pity party aside (at least until until next year) and work to enjoy the three-ring circus that is my life!